2012 came in without a rumble, not even a blip on the radar. It was a peaceful beginning to the year. I am hoping for the same. More time with those that help to fill my heart with fulfillment. This is step one of many more. What I am attempting is not new to me, but the way am going about it is. Remember “I do not talk, I am just a rapper” ~ Childish Gambino. With these few sentences I bid you adieu.
Read MoreA few days have passed. Days have passed since I last opened my mind and tried to make some sense of it all. At work I was told that I have a gift and that the curse to this gift was not to be able to have a complete thought to the many random passings in my mind. The late teens early twenties me would not have paid it any attention and would have carried on as normal, the mid twenties me would be like true and not act, but now it is different. I still dwell on that statement because it was a first. No one I feels my pain and frustration. It is like having adhd, but only for thoughts and ideas. They come and go faster than a two dollar hoe and some backseat love.
One thing that that I can say is that very very few know the real me. To know is not to love me, but rather to hate me. I am obnoxious, an asshole, blunt, uncaring, and mean. With that said I wish to be so much more than that.
Childish Gambino says it best “Dope boy swag, I always wanted that, but my style was more Author Ashe.” Call me “School Boy” because I was never that cool. I was never that dude, but I was always able to fit in and adapt to the situation.
Such is life and one is all you have unless you are a cat, then you would have nine. I am not sure if I would want to relive life 9 times once is enough. I am not worried about being judged.
I know this is random and that there should be flow, but those rules were made for them and that if you want to be plain jane then continue to follow their rules. I will just continue to blaze my own path, no need to follow because you might not be able to keep up!
Read MoreFrustration puts me in a place where I choose not to be, but requires me to go there at times!
Read MoreDot, dot, dot space space dot dot dot question mark *shrug of the shoulders* dot dot dot dot dot period eclamation point (Do you ever feel like this some days?)
Read MoreCertain words always make me feel as though I have spelled them incorrectly. For example, the word three, for some reason whenever I write in word form I have to check to make sure it is the right word. I could not tell you why it is just one of those things. Pointless, yes I know.
That was not the reason I decide to write tonight.
I have decide to make certain lifestyle changes so that I may feel better as man and a father. I have to end certain habits that may not be very conducive for certain things (none of them bad, more so nit picking). I feel it will make me feel better in the long run and to help others feel better as well.
I used to do this all the time. Writing that is. Writing to me is like therapy and mental excercise at the same time.
I feel as though I have wasted a talent that I have always had. It is easier for me to write words than to actually speak them. It allows the actual formulating of thoughts and not just random nonsense. I plan on as the days go by to being more creative.
Baby steps. Crawl. Walk. Skip. Run! Follow these pattern and I will be fine.
Read MoreAt the end of the day you have to look in the mirror. What you see is what you get. What you see is not what you get, rather what other see is what you may be. The mirror will always show you what you want to see, nothing more, nothing less. If you constantly stare at the mirror you will start to believe in what you see (meaning the narcissistic point of view that you may have, that is only exacerbated by the mirror).
To take a long look in the mirror can be quiet refreshing. You can find yourself again. To find ones self can be gratifying. Most people are never aware that they have lost who they really are and have just conformed to fit in.
I am finding myself again and redefining who I am. Getting back to that which is passionate to me is a number one priority for me. So would say that I am rediscovering my “swag”, but I would beg to differ. I would like to say that I am refocusing my confidence in me.
If you do not have confidence in yourself, then who will? I know I will not.
Read MoreToday marks the first day of the rest of my life….
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